Just a Typical Poopy Week / Life With Autoimmune Disease
- December 22, 2016
- Theresa Bertuzzi
You know you are going to have a poopy week when it starts off with an elderly man practically filling his pants while you are trapped in an elevator with him. First thing Monday morning I was off to see my Rheumatologist at the Riverside Hospital when this very elderly couple got into the elevator with me and two other young, very serious looking, male residents. The older lady was so sweet and teeny tiny, actually the couple were both teeny tiny. She was asking her husband in a very loud voice if she should ask the doctor how much a bone density test would cost because they had said it was too expensive for her to have. I would really guess that the doctors were thinking you are in your 90’s so we are going to assume that your bone density pretty much sucks at this point and go on from there, so please don’t fall down or you will most likely break something for sure. Her husband scolded her saying “bone density tests are free” in a voice that clearly said you are sooo embarrassing. I felt bad for her as she had clearly thought that this was a wonderful idea. This gentleman, who had thought that his wife was so embarrassing then proceeded to let a wet fart go that was so loud and long that you would have been embarrassed to have even let it go in the privacy of your own home, in the bathroom, with no one at home. In fact, if you let this go you would have yelled excuse me super loud so that the neighbours could hear you because they would have surely heard this horrible blast four houses over. And… it was a wet one. If he had not filled his pants then he surely left a skid mark that would need an entire bottle of Spray and Wash to get out. Neither one of the couple reacted but proceeded to exit at the next floor, leaving us all with the horrible aftermath of what had just happened in the elevator. After the door closed the residents tried to pretend like nothing had happened but were cautiously eyeing each other and myself. I tried to remain stoic but it only lasted three seconds before my lip started to quiver and my eyes teared up. I couldn’t help it and started to laugh so hard that I was nearly crying with joy. The two doctors couldn’t contain themselves once I broke the seal and the three of us were literally falling on each other in hysterics. One of the men said “Oh my god… I had it under control until you cracked and started laughing!” We killed ourselves all of the way up to our floor and I spent the entire day laughing on and off about this although I think the smell was on my coat following me throughout the day. Little did I know that this would be the theme of the week as I would spend the rest of the week dealing with children with the stomach flu.
I felt terrible this week. I had two children home sick last week with a cold and cough which they passed on to me. The cold was not a problem as I feel like such dirt on this Prednisone that I don’t even really notice a difference when I have a cold or flu, it just feels like my side effects. The problem is that with no immune system to fight the cold it of course turned into a massive sinus infection. Once again, hardly noticed the symptoms until my face felt like it would surely explode and my nose started bleeding non-stop from the massive infection. The Prednisone does not allow me to get a high fever so I never know if I have infection until it is really bad. So where does my head immediately go… I must have cancer in my nose and sinuses. LOL So I texted my brother, who is literally my own personal web MD who of course said, “No you do not have cancer in your nose!!! It would have lit up like Rudolph on the MRI… but why are you asking about nose cancer?” So I explained about the blood, pain, swelling, loss of hearing and sight at which he replied back “you need antibiotics right now, today!” This was at 9:00 pm on a Saturday night, but no problem because my doctors had me equipped with emergency antibiotics as apparently this situation was bound to happen eventually. I had enough to see me through until Monday when I could get to the doctors to see my family physician and get some stronger meds. So, I am fully loaded up for the next couple of weeks with some really strong antibiotics which will hopefully keep me healthy on our vacation over the holidays. I am really hoping that the inflammation in my sinuses and bloody nose stops before I get on the plane, if not this is going to be a pretty painful plane ride. These same sick kids then took turns coming home with the stomach flu. Sigh….
There is nothing worse than dealing with pukey kids! I do feel terrible for them but they are like little walking time bombs of mess and germs. The worst part is that they want to be cuddled, especially by mommy who has zero immune system. So there I was for two days, fully masked and constantly scrubbing my hands while I cuddled feverish kids and cleaned up vomit. When they wanted to snuggle I would steer them to my husband who is a very good cuddler and also has a super immune system so he never gets sick but there are times when only a mommy is acceptable so I would tell my daughter to lie on the couch and I would snuggle her legs in hopes to stay away from the germy end. Then I would feel terrible for trying to avoid her top half. Luckily, this flu was not too terrible as my kids are a little older now and are able to hit a bucket or toilet with much more accuracy than they used too. I can remember times, when they were little when the house became a shooting gallery of bodily fluids and the house would be graffitied with mess. When the boys were toddlers and had the flu Danny came home from work one night to find me actually scrubbing the walls outside the powder room door. First thing he said to me was “please tell me that that is chocolate pudding!” “No!!! It is not!!!!” Another time my best friend Brigida’s kids had the flu at the same time and we spent the whole night sending my steam, carpet cleaner, back and forth between our houses as we all took turns cleaning up after children that didn’t have good aim at all, then texted pictures to each other to compare the messes and see who won for having the biggest disaster hit their house. The children were not thrilled about pictures and selfies being taken but it kept our sanity. I think my worst flu experience with kids though had to happen when we were selling our house. Our real estate agents called to say they had to show the house in a just an hour and that I had to be out of the house for an hour and half. Oh my god! I had three children ages three, six and eight all with the throw up flu. I lined them up at the door, each with their own bucket, and cleaned the house up as quickly as I could. I loaded the kids and the two dogs into the car, everyone with a bucket on their lap. There was no where we could go because the kids were so sick so I just parked the car around the corner and tried to wait the time out. At the time we had a Beagle named Buster who also was prone to car sickness, apparently even when the car was not moving so he had horrible gas. Every few minutes the dog would let a fart go that would smell up the car and cause the children to begin vomiting. I would then empty their bowls out into the hedge beside the road. This went on for two hours before the potential buyers left our house and I could go back home. At one point a neighbour walking by banged on my window. I rolled it down and she saw what was happening and was like “Oh man… are you okay?” “Nope, not ok” followed by hysterical laughter. I knew she wanted to offer to help us or take us in but nobody is going to invite this disaster into their own home in case it starts the plague in their own house so she just gave me a sad smile and headed on her way. Didn’t even get a fist bump and I don’t blame her one bit. Sad part is that these people didn’t even buy the house!!!
I did so great avoiding the germs and figured I had most likely avoided catching the flu when it happened. My daughter, heading off to soccer, having just recovered from the flu snuck up on my and gave me a big smacker right on the lips. At first I was like “how sweet! I love this kid” then I realized that I had just been infected!!! And now today I have the flu! Boo!!! You are probably wondering how I can blog while I have the flu but, once again, this crazy Prednisone doesn’t allow me to get high fevers and I always have sore aches and chills so I feel like I do pretty much any day only I have to take extra bathroom breaks. Nausea is also a part of my daily joys so the stomach flu is not that bad when you are one these meds. Small blessings… when you feel like crap every day flu and colds can’t slow you down. Although I do think I will milk it a little once Danny gets home… Wouldn’t want to give up an opportunity for a little sympathy and a little extra help.
Here’s another random musing that really has nothing to do with the topic of my blog but was a little bit of funny in my day. On Facebook there is a new posting going around that lets you click on the button and the post shows what words you used the most in your posts over the past year. Mine were pretty standard “Tiny, Family, Love, Friends, Happy…” but a friend of my mom’s had the word “SAUSAGE” as her most used word and it showed up in giant letters on the picture of the words she had used. Now that is quite an accomplishment to have been able to use the word sausage not only more than once but so many times that it is your most used word. I think I may challenge myself to try to fit a hilarious word into my posts throughout 2017 so that it will show up in my most new words next year. This seems like a pretty doable New Year’s resolution! The question is what word should I use? I am open to suggestions below in the comment lines. Should be funny for anyone not reading my blogs to see me try and sneak the word into my posts periodically. And now… I am off to review this friend’s Facebook posts because I REALLY need to see how she actually managed to use the word Sausage. Oh my days are so interesting!