Potential Plane Hijacking/5-4-3-2-1 Attack!!!
- February 28, 2017
- Theresa Bertuzzi
Facebook has been popping up pictures of the trip Melanie, Diane, Brigida and I took to Halifax to attend the Franchise show for Tiny Hoppers. We had so much fun and it is where our 5-4-3-2-1 ATTACK plan was born. This trip has a lot that I can blog about so I am going to break it down into episodes, starting with the end… What? You say. That’s right, the end was way too exciting to leave till the last episode so I will start with the end and then do a flashback because I am just that artsy. So at the end of our trip we were headed home on the plane after having the most fun four days ever! See how I grabbed you on that one, now you know you will all be checking in to read more!!! We got on the plane and we were sitting two on one side of the aisle and 2 on the other. I was with Brigida who is very much afraid to fly and always suspects that a terrorist attack or a hijacking is about to take place. She is always looped up on some kind of antianxiety drugs that the doctors give her to fly which only helps to magnify her paranoia and we just go along with her delusions so we can mess with her. Also, her theories on who the terrorists are on the plane are pretty hilarious. Although, one time, at the Brussels airport she did think this little old lady was acting suspicious and, wouldn’t you know it, when she went through security they pulled a huge switch blade out of her bag. My mouth dropped open and I would say that I almost fainted in surprise but I didn’t, instead, I laughed hysterically while she explained to the security guards, in her prim British accent, that she had forgotten that she had her knife with her. This apparently would be another one of those times where Brigida’s paranoia would be based on fact.
As the plane took flight Brigida started her usual scan of the plane as she filled me in on all of the potential weirdoes sitting around us while I helped Diane with a homework assignment. She quickly zeroed in on this one man who she claimed was already acting very suspicious. We agreed with her, just to keep her going, while we continued on with our work. Soon Brigida elbowed me and was like “look at him! Look at him! He has changed seats like five times already!” Now I started to pay closer attention to what she was saying because normally she would be unconscious by now from her meds so obviously something was keeping her all riled up. Sure enough, I watched this really tall man get up and randomly sit down next to someone he didn’t know, much to that person’s surprise. This man clearly had some issues as he was mumbling to himself incessantly while continuously changing seats. As he plunked himself down beside each new person these poor people looked like they were either going to pee their pants or have a heart attack. Luckily we took up all of our seats so he wasn’t going to sit beside us but he did sit beside the poor guy in front of us who just kept typing on his lap top while glancing nervously back and forth between his computer screen and his new, unwanted neighbour. I know this because Brigida, Melanie and I took turns jamming our faces up against the cracks of the seats to watch him. Diane just continued on with her homework completely unfazed. It takes an awful lot to get Diane to panic. Mel, Diane and I once turned the wrong way onto the off ramp on a highway. As Melanie and I panicked and tried to get ourselves back on the correct side of the street, cars heading towards us with horns blaring, Diane just looked up from texting on her phone to shout “what??? Are we in Europe now? ” Then she went immediately back to texting completely oblivious to the fact that we were in imminent danger. So the potential that we were dealing with a crazy person on an airplane was not enough to break her concentration on her assignment but we knew that she was starting to get nervous too as occasionally she would drop her pen and smack her hands together ready to smack that guy right in the ears if we started our 5-4-3-2-1 countdown.
The man was getting pretty agitated now and headed to the bathroom at the front of the plane where he first knocked on the door of the cockpit as though this may be the bathroom. The flight crew quickly ushered him into the bathroom. While he was there Brigida used this as her opportunity to go over to the flight crew to alert them that this time she was right and we had a very suspicious person on this plane. The flight attendant said that they were very aware of the problem and that they were closely monitoring the situation. This did not comfort her too much though because the flight attendant looked like he was absolutely bordering on a panic attack himself and honestly he did not look very substantial or like he could possibly defend any of us if the need arose. So we reviewed our plan for our attack. If we needed to take this guy down we would count 5-4-3-2-1 then shout “Attack” as Diane smacked the ears, Brigida went for the eyes, Melanie smacked the nose and I, sighhh, would crack him in the balls. We were ready. When the guy came out of the bathroom he headed from the front of the plane all of the way to the back where he started going through his back pack. There was no way we were taking our eyes off of this guy at this point and we weren’t the only ones peeking around our seats or pretending to stand up to stretch so we could peer back at him. Most of the other passengers were all doing the same and the guy in front of us was still sweating bullets. Brigida tried to make him feel better by whispering to him “Don’t worry, we’ve got this.” I don’t think he felt that much better knowing that the four of us were going to protect him from a possible hijacking and he just laughed nervously and went back to working on his lap top. When the flight attendant came back to collect our cups Brigida then tried to reassure him as well by informing him “don’t worry, we have a plan, we’ve got this!” To which his eyes almost bugged out of his head and I could just imagine what he was thinking… “Oh great, now I have a crazy guy and four vigilantes that I have to deal with, perfect!” When he went to take my empty cup I said “no, I am going to keep this, it’s part of the plan!” It wasn’t really, I just wanted to see what he would do and I was rewarded with another panicked look on his face, plus the enjoyment of watching him head over to the other flight attendant where he whispered in her ear while she looked at us and laughed nervously. Man were we enjoying this and Melanie, Brigida and I continued our monitoring throughout the flight.
I know that this sounds a little overly dramatic but I cannot even describe just how weird and suspicious this man was acting and we were not the only ones coming up with defence plans. I noticed the elderly lady two rows up had gotten her knitting needles out of her bag and she was in no way knitting anything but was practicing her stabbing hold. To this day I would like to know how she managed to get onto the plane with two metal knitting needles that would clearly make a great weapon when I had to relinquish my bottle of water at the security gate. I am not so confident in our security scanning systems but on this day I was very glad that she had those knitting needles and she was on our team if anything happened. This guy was very lucky that he managed to keep it together for the rest of the flight because at this point if he even sneezed by accident he wouldn’t have known what hit him as we were all ready to go. We were so ready to go that we had even arranged for the girls sitting behind us to film us if we had to attack because we wanted to post it to social media so we could get some publicity for our daycare centre. Business tip… capitalize on all possible marketing situations. We were so prepared that in the end we actually were pretty disappointed that the flight crew managed to keep him secluded in the back of the plane and that we didn’t get to put our plan into action. Although there was quite the scuffle when we got off the plane in Ottawa and this guy decided that he wanted to continue on to Toronto. The crew gave him the boot off that plane quickly, leaving him in the airport with us. We headed out of that baggage claim as fast as our legs would carry us. If I ever have to be in a sticky situation I can only hope that I will always be with my four best friends as together, we really are a force to be dealt with. No one messes with our team. Our friend and insurance broker read my last blog about our 5-4-3-2-1 Attack plan and his wife wrote me and said after he read it he said “holy crap, I am glad those girls like me, I wouldn’t want to piss them off.” LOL We’ve got this!